MA.....

I never call you that actually, isn't it, Mom? But I refer you as that many times over when I am thinking about you, in a cold cold land, far away from where you are.... I miss you Ma, I miss you loads, in tons, in kilos, in light years, infinite times over, but I rarely almost never tell you about it. But I miss you Ma. And when I miss you my heart just fills with tears that make my eyes wet. I scale the world and people think of me as brave. But Ma you know me, only you know what a scared little girl I am, who sheds tears at every little thing. Ma, you know me as I am, a lonely, insecure child who is starved of constant love and attention and care. Everytime I am hurt Ma, everytime people are mean to me, everytime I get crappy food on flights, everytime I make a mistake, everytime I fight with the boyfriend, I want to hug you and weep my sorrows in your warm embrace. Because I know even if you don't understand my problems, or me, you would be there for me and support me. But look what I have made of me Ma, I don't even call you and tell you, how at times life does not treat me very well. But you know, I miss you. And when I miss you at times, I talk to myself the way you do, I make faces and gestures just like you would, do things you would do, eat what you like, say things you would when you want to eat pani-puri, cook in your style, take a mouthful of it and cry. I never watched stupid serials on Colors Ma, but now I watch them for you. The only reason I cook and clean at home Ma, is because I know that would make you happy. I know I have never told you all this, and I don't think I would tell you also, because then we will both be very awkward. Strange, isn't it! But somehow we have never been so outspoken about our love, love that we both actually know that needs no telling. 'You like mom more or dad?', I was asked this many a times as a child and I could never answer. But someone was to ask me today Ma, I would not hesitate, I know it's you! It's you I love in this world the most, it's you who has done the most for me. And I am hoping that you have forgiven the mean teenager that I once was. You let go of your entire self, to bring me into this world, to raise me up! Your selflessness scares me Ma, I don't think, I can ever be like you. It scares me because I don't think I am the same for you Ma. But I know, you don't care for that as much. I know you just want me to make a good life for myself, and that's what I am trying to do, earnestly! I owe you my life Ma, thank you for everything.
I LOVE YOU!